Astounding Language

If you ARE looking for that perfect relationship, stop reading this article and do one of two things: (1) Go to one of those websites that promises something like that and be “taken” again, or (2) Brush up on your emotional intelligence skills.

Looking for anything perfect is an unrealistic expectation. Promising that is a ploy people use to sell you things! It’s also a personality trait that will make your life miserable.

Perfectionists expect too much of themselves and others, and though it may be from insecurity, it is perceived as arrogant and unpleasant. The worse thing it does is make you yourself miserable.

Nothing will ever be perfect, including yourself, including the other, including your job, your project, the weather, or your relationships. There will be wonderful moments, and “good enough” moments, but perfection is not an earthly quality! We’re humans!

So, assuming you’re willing to set aside “perfect,” let’s look at what it takes to have a GOOD relationship.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SKILLS

When someone is talking to me about meeting someone new they’ve been dating online, they sometimes ask, “What should I do? How should I act?” The answer is always, “Just be yourself,” and the higher your EQ (emotional intelligence) the better able you will be to “just be yourself.”

Of course everyone puts their best foot forward in the early stages, but being ready to date and find a good relationship requires that you know yourself and accept yourself. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence.

Being ready to date means you’ve come to an understanding about past relationships, including relationships with your parents, siblings, and previous partners. Coming to peace with things as they are. Changing what you can change, and learning how to let go of the things you cannot change.
Only when you reach this place can you approach each new relationship for what it is - a NEW one.

AUTHENTICITY

What we’re looking for in a partner, is authenticity; unless the two of you are authentic - able to be who you are - there can be no meeting of two real people.

You can’t be authentic, if you aren’t perceiving clearly. If you still see in each new person of the opposite sex, traits of your former partner, you can’t be authentically in the new relationship because you won’t be reacting to them as they really are.

BEING ADAMANTLY AND RELENTLESSLY SELF-FORGIVING

This is another important EQ competency. It means you have put the past behind you and forgiven your former partner(s) AND yourself for past grievances, realizing everyone was doing the best they knew how to at the time, with the limited information they had available at the time.

Bear in mind, that forgiving yourself will always be the hardest thing to do.

I had a coaching client who was having trouble letting go of her former spouse who said, “I can’t forgive him for what I did to him.”

How will you know when you’ve made peace with the situation and are ready for a new beginning?

It means you can be around your ex and not react strongly about anything; I mean unless the house is on fire. In other words, they can’t jerk your chain in old ways, or in the case of serious grievances, you have been able to let go “well enough”. You can care about them in a general sense and wish them well. “Goodwill,” you might call it.

It means knowing that “hating” is the same thing as “loving” because they have equal intensity, and until you can move into a neutral space, able to regulate your emotional response to your ex, you are in a trap, and not ready to love someone new.

DESPERADO

If moving ahead requires forgiving your parents, siblings, or your ex, do so. Don’t be a ‘desperado’ - remember that song? ‘Your prison is having to go through life all alone … why don’t you let someone love you before it’s too late?’

“Letting someone love you” would seem like an easy thing, but it’s not, if letting someone love you in the past has been painful. This applies to everyone in the past!

If it requires forgiving your ex, do so. If you can’t, turn it over to a higher power. I don’t agree that it can always be forgiven, but you must let it go.

Here’s something I recommend sometimes: Be willing to accept that they will stand before another judge, not you, and let it go.

Judging takes a lot of time and energy, and the price you pay is twofold, and damaging to yourself on both accounts.

The first is that you are the prisoner, and the one who suffers the damage. It is stressful to judge and harbor resentment, grudges and grievances.

Studies have shown how stressful it is, and how hard on our health, and yes, it is you, the one who has already suffered, who will suffer again.

Do you really want to do this to yourself again? Wasn’t once enough? Studies show that each time you go over the old war story, you are stressing your cardiac system in the same way.

The second is that you will also be judging yourself … and there we will be in that perfectionism again.

If you are having trouble figuring out how to forgive someone, work with a coach!

REALITY TESTING

Only when you’ve gotten rid of the “ghosts” from your past, can you perceive your current situation clearly.

Why? Because, as we learn studying Emotional Intelligence, our brains do not know the difference between the past, present or future. They do not know what’s a ‘perceived’ threat (an insult) and a ‘real’ threat (a car barreling down on you).

If you see each man as “every man”, you are going to react according to things that have happened in the past.

For instance, if your last partner was unfaithful, and you fail to intellectually and emotionally understand that all partners are not faithful, you’ll be dragging this into the new relationship. It is not only unfair to the new guy, it’s going to make you fearful and fear is antithetical to love, yes?

Men and women are first and foremost people. Even though you read a study - a scientific one - that says “Women tend to be,” listen to the wording. It is only talking about “some” women, not all women.

Beyond that, each women or man is different and unique, just as you are!

Each new relationship is a fresh one, unless, that is, you’re dragging around old emotions from past experiences. In that case, since your brain doesn’t know the difference between past, present and future, you are having only one relationship and the same one over and over. UG!

Q: What is the definition of a nightmare?
A: Having the same bad experience over and over and over again.

WHAT TO DO?

We recommend taking an EQ assessment ( http:/ inyurl.com/z94t ) and then working with an emotional intelligence coach to sharpen your EQ skills. EQ is all about identifying your emotions, understanding them, managing them, and regulating them. Improving your EQ will benefit you in all areas of your life, and clear the air for new experiences in your life.

About the Author

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I offer coaching, distance learning, and ebooks ( http://www.webstrategies.cc ) around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. EQ matters more to your relationships, health, happiness and success than IQ, and it can be learned. Looking for a compatible new partner? Try here: http://tinyurl.com/2lyea . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.

Several interesting things caught my eyes this week, all pretty much along the same theme. It seems that these days no one takes responsibility for their own actions. People always have an excuse and so quickly they pass the buck.

I read an article just recently, where a man was accused of internet luring; his plea was that he was set up by the police. However he took the bate, knowing the girl was 14. He then claimed she looked older. However he very well knew she wasn’t.

After a recent situation took place, my mind got working in over time. I thought to myself that people really are funny. Why is that people don’t want to take responsibility for their own actions? It appears that we no longer own our actions. Owning your action involves taking personal responsibility for what you do. Why it is when something goes wrong people need some place to lay the blame? Part of being a mature responsible adult is to know that when you make a decision in life that you are responsible for the outcome; not someone else.

Let’s look at the following examples.

A married man goes out and has an affair on his wife. He blames the wife for not satisfying his needs in bed. Did he ever justify that maybe he has the problem.

Another look would be your electricity gets turned off because you didn’t pay it. Do you blame the mail man for not bringing the bill? Do you blame the company because you didn’t receive the bill? You knew the bill was due. You pay it every month don’t you? It comes down to responsibility.

You join a website and the administrator bans you for breaking the terms of service. You blame the administrator? Why? You knew the rules of the website and had you not known the rules you should have prepared yourself better by reading them before joining. Everyone wants to lay blame on someone now days.

Your daughter gets pregnant at 15. Let me guess you blame Britney spears for influencing her to dress sexy. Yet it was you as a parent who purchased the clothes and allowed her to wear them.

Your son gets suspended from school for fighting, drinking and drugs. You don’t take responsibility as the parent. You blame the child. Well doesn’t family values start at home? It is the rules that you set down that count. Your responsibility comes that you as a parent have control over your child.

When do we start taking responsibilities for our lives? We all have a choice, we all have a responsibility to pay our bills, go to work, follow the rules and bring up our family. It is really unfortunate that we seem to be raising a generation of children that don’t take responsibility for their actions either. They blame their friends, they blame their teachers, they blame everyone around them but themselves.

Also when people feel hard done by, they just can’t seem to let go of it; get over it and move on with their lives. When do we learn as adults to be responsible for our own actions? When do we start living with the consequences of our decisions? Let go of blaming and being a victim. It serves no one. It sure doesn’t help you any. How happy has not excepting responsibility for your actions made you? It is time to admit your mistakes and not blame someone out. Responsibility means that other people can depend on you. By being a responsible adult you accept credit when you do the right thing and accept correction when someone tells you that you have made a wrong choice in your life.

I think it is time each of us assumed responsibility in life by being liable for our actions and taking ownership of them. Please for goodness sake, stop making excuses for your life. When you have done wrong, admit to your mistakes and move on. We’re adults here and we want to be treated as such. Of course this is until it’s not in our favor and then we want to blame someone else, anyone but ourselves.

About the Author

Rose
DesRochers is a published author, web columnist and founder of Today’s Woman
http://www.todays-woman.net
; a supportive online
community for men and women over 18. Their goal is to help writers succeed in
the writing industry.

What is software piracy?
There are several kinds of software piracy. The bottom line is when software is pirated, the developer does not receive compensation for their work.

Effects of Software Piracy
When software is pirated, consumers, software developers, and resellers are harmed. Software piracy increases the risk consumer’s computers will be corrupted by defective software and infected with viruses. Those who provide defective and illegal software do not tend to provide sales and technical support. Pirated software usually has inadequate documentation, which prevents consumers from enjoying the full benefits of the software package. In addition, consumers are unable to take advantage of technical support and product upgrades, which are typically available to legitimate registered users of the software. Pirated software can cost consumers lost time and more money.

Developers lose revenue from pirated software, from current products as well as from future programs. When software is sold most developers invest a portion of the revenue into future development and better software packages. When software is pirated, software developers lose revenue from the sale of their products, which hinders development of new software and stifles the growth of the software company.

Kinds of Piracy
End User Piracy -
Using multiple copies of a single software package on several different systems or distributing registered or licensed copies of software to others. Another common form of end user piracy is when a cracked version of the software is used. Hacking into the software and disabling the copy protection, or illegally generating key codes that unlocks the trial version making the software a registered version creates a cracked version.

Reseller Piracy -
Reseller piracy occurs when an unscrupulous reseller distributes multiple copies of a single software package to different customers; this includes preloading systems with software without providing original manuals & diskettes. Reseller piracy also occurs when resellers knowingly sell counterfeit versions of software to unsuspecting customers.

Indications of reseller piracy are multiple users with the same serial number, lack of original documentation or an incomplete set, and non-matching documentation.

Trademark/Trade Name Infringement
Infringement occurs when an individual or dealer claims to be authorized either as a technician, support provider or reseller, or is improperly using a trademark or trade name.

BBS/Internet Piracy -
BBS/ Internet Piracy occurs when there is an electronic transfer of copyrighted software. If system operators and/or users upload or download copyrighted software and materials onto or from bulletin boards or the Internet for others to copy and use without the proper license. Often hackers will distribute or sell the hacked software or cracked keys. The developer does not receive any money for the software the hacker distributed. This is an infringement on the developer’s copyright.

Another technique used by software pirates is to illegally obtain a registered copy of software. Pirates purchase the software once and use it on multiple computers. Purchasing software with a stolen credit card is another form of software piracy. Unfortunately there are many kinds of software piracy that has hampered the software industry.

These types of software piracy have hampered the software industry. For the software industry to prosper and further develop useful software for consumers please support and pay for software. This results in better software for all.

To Report Piracy :
Software Information Industry Association - http://www.spa.org/piracy/default.asp

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sharon Housley manages marketing for NotePage, Inc. http://www.notepage.net a company specializing in alphanumeric paging, SMS and wireless messaging software solutions. Other sites by Sharon can be found at http://www.softwaremarketingresource.com and http://www.small-business-software.net

Too much sleep? are you kidding? There’s no such thing these days is there? With today’s fast paced lifestyle there’s barely enough time to grab enough sleep let alone too much.

However if you sleep eight hours a night or more and still awake less than refreshed, chances are you’re getting too much sleep. What you need is not more sleep it’s quality sleep.

Quality sleep allows us to awake feeling refreshed and full of energy, ready to power through the day. It also allows us to sleep less hours, freeing up more time for us to do the things we want.

A lot of people assume that because they’re feeling tired all day or have a mid afternoon ’slump’ that they need more sleep. Not true!

A lot of people believe because they may have had a couple of late nights, they have to ‘catch up’ by having extra sleep. Also not true!

Sleeping for too long can damage your circadian rhythm. The circadian rhythm is your 24 hour ‘clock’ controlled by a central part of the brain. This clock tells us when we are sleepy by altering the body temperature by a few degrees. When the body temperature is lowered, we feel sleepy. Conversely when it is raised, we feel awake and alert.

When we sleep for a longer time, our body temperature does not rise as fast. This is why we feel sleepy and sluggish in the mornings. The more tired we feel, the less exercise we do. Inactivity keeps the body temperature down so creating a vicious cycle.

The more sleep we have, the less time we stay awake to create our sleep quality for the following night. Our body does not get exposed to sufficient sunlight to lower our melatonin levels, so we stay sleepy throughout the day.

The deeper stages of sleep (stages 3 and 4) are the most restorative. This is where the body regenerates. Most of stage 3 and 4 sleep takes place in the first 4 hours of our sleep. The rest of the night is spent in REM (dreaming) sleep and the lighter stages. Stages 3 and 4 are also where the immune system repairs and strengthens itself. It is vital to get this type of quality sleep.

A good start is to make sure we get enough exercise during the day, this gives us a three-fold benefit. It gets us out into the sunlight which reduces our melatonin levels, it raises our body temperature so we feel energized and it tires us in a healthy way so we can have more deep sleep at night.

So when you come home from work feeling worn out and weary, don’t veg out in front of the TV. Put on those sneakers and go for a brisk walk around the block instead!

About the Author

Want to know how to have better sleep? Find out how. Check out http://www.insomnia-connection.com your resource for detailed information on sleep and curing stress. The author, Wendy Owen, has had a lifetime interest in general and alternative health as well as being an ex insomniac!

It’s important to establish a daily practice and then stick to it. This doesn’t mean dedicating 12 hours a day to meditation, it just means creating a space in your home where you can take a few minutes and meditate and do the exercises. I advise people to start with some of the basic exercises and devote 10 -20 minutes a day as they develop their physical and mental abilities. Many people quite simply overload themselves and expect too much too soon, then get discouraged when they don’t see the results they thought they should see.

Getting Started

Set aside a corner in one of your rooms. You can stock it with whatever accoutrement you wish. Many folks have cushions, candles, incense and a small CD player for music or guided meditation CD’s. Use whatever tools and accessories you want to, as there’s no right or wrong at this point.

Once you’ve created your ’sacred space’ then all you have to do is use it. Set aside a few minutes each day and begin working on your breathing and Full Body Awareness. Don’t worry at this point about how long you meditate, just get into the habit of doing it. The effects of meditation are cumulative, so 5 minutes a day everyday is better than 20 minutes once a week.

Eventually you’ll get to the point where you don’t need any accessories and you can clear your mind and meditate anywhere, at any time, but for now don’t worry about that, just create a pleasant, sacred atmosphere and get started.

On ‘Expectation’

In the spiritual circles we often hear people talking about doing things ‘without expectation’. It’s amazing how often the simple truths are all around us.

When we begin meditation or working towards the kundalini, we often feel that we should be able to do certain things within a certain time frame. We expect to be able to clear our minds and access our deeper abilities. We expect to be able to sit for an hour and meditate, or to see auras, or feel other people’s chi. Then when it doesn’t happen we become disappointed and confused. I can’t tell you how important it is to break free of these expectations.

When we let go of expectations and learn to just relax in the moment and just BE, then we are making progress of the most important kind. In the west we tend to be so goal oriented and have a need to see results, but frequently the cumulative effects of meditation aren’t noticeable until much later. Meditation is about this moment, about BEing totally in this moment, rather than about who you’ll be when you’ve become a good meditator.

The important thing with a regular practice is to just do it. The effects are cumulative and one day you’ll look back and see that all those short meditation sessions actually added up.

—

Robert Morgen is a Reiki Master who currently holds a Black Belt in Hoshin Roshi Ryu. He’s the founder of the Kundalini Awakening Discussion Group, the Druids Circle Discussion Group and the (offline) Druids Circle in Lakewood, CO. You can find more info on all these at;

http://www.robertmorgen.com

He’s also the founder and Executive Director of the Windhaven Foundation for Sustainable Living.

He writes a regular column on subtle energy for Fight Times Magazine and a twice monthly column on Kundalini Awakening at Alumbo.com.

In addition to teaching about energy work and Kundalini Awakening he donates time to teach about Renewable Energy, Alternative Building and Creating Sustainable Lifestyles in various Public Schools.

He travels and teaches as much as possible and you can find out how to attend one of his Kundalini Awakening seminars at his website.

His new book “Kundalini Awakening for Personal Mastery” (ISBN: 0977380106) is available through his website or at a bookstore near you.

Are you dating or thinking about starting to? Dating can be difficult and can hurt the self esteem of some people who are often rejected. There are many avenues to take in dating though, and using some of them will make dating fun or at least less painful. Meeting people to date is the hardest part. With the wonders of the Internet come an ability to meet people online, in the comfort and privacy of home. Online dating is one option available to those who are skeptical. Another is a dating service. Allowing for the convenience of having someone find someone for you who is similar in their likes and dislikes can make dating easier.

Dating doesn’t have to be a hardship, but should be fun. Meeting new people and having new experiences can be fun. The challenge lies in finding the right people. So, with this in mind, came the dating services we have today. Dating services offer a service. The service is finding a match to the criteria that you determine is important. Maybe you want to meet someone who is a non smoker? Maybe find someone who has a child? Someone who has been working for several years at the same location may be what you need. Dating services can help match you up with someone who is looking for the same thing. While dating services can be costly, they can also help eliminate the need to sit in a bar hoping to meet someone who is not going to harm you or bore you for that matter.

Another option is online dating when it comes to dating. Online dating allows the convenience of home and privacy to protect the individual from the harsh world of dating. But, knowing a few strategies to keep you safe is also key. Online dating can be fun, easy to do, and simple. But, never give out your personal information and never believe that the other person is someone safe and normal right off the bat. Online dating is similar to a dating service in that they match you up with whatever things you choose as important. But, they can’t screen people well enough for the individual to assume they are safe.

Dating doesn’t have to be hard work. Having trouble finding a date that matches your likes, dislikes and interests? Check out online dating or a dating service. Realize that you have to be cautious but remember to have fun meeting new people.

About the author:

Mike Yeager
Publisher
http://www.my-dating-4me.com/

Do you find yourself living from paycheck to paycheck? Do you often feel overwhelmed, tired, and worn out? Are you in debt? Is there no enjoyment in what you do?

If the answer to any four of these questions is a yes, then ask yourself a simple question. Why am I not living my dream?

I find that most people go through life, just enduring it. They become numb to their problems. Things are just uncomfortable enough to complain, but do nothing about. Joyce Meyer has a saying that says, “Complain, and remain.” I don’t know about you, but I did not want to remain in a dead end job, poor health, lousy marriage, endless bills, and everything else that wanted to steal my joy.

You might be like a lot of people that I have encountered that make excuses. All excuses are the same and one is no better that an another. Excuses are completely useless and only render you helpless.

Making excuses and casting blame only make us out to be the victim. There is absolutely no power in playing the part of the victim. I know! I’ve been there and done that. And no one could beat me at the blame game. I was the blaming king! I was a victim. Why did life deal me such a poor hand? Why does everyone else always get the breaks? If it wasn’t for you I could be successful. Even at one point, I went so far to say that someone put a curse on me.

I eventually took full responsibility for my shortcomings, but it was only after I acknowledged where I was and why. The truth hurts. I had to admit, to myself, and everyone around me, that in some fashion, I caused this. I admitted that I was making excuses and casting the blame. It was a humbling experience, to say the least. But, I tell ya, it was worth it. I am free!

The answers to most complicated problems are usually simple. Not all, but most. I understand that there are things that are completely out of our control. But, those things are just life and we must deal with them with the best attitude we can muster.

As for the majority of our problems, the first step is to acknowledge our situation. You can never solve a problem in your life until you can first acknowledge that you have one.

Do you sincerely want to move on with your life? You can if you decide to. Make a decision today to take full responsibility for where you are. Maybe you haven’t made the right choices up to this point. But now, decide that you will make your choices right.

About the Author

Daniel N. Brown is the publisher of the “Living the Abundant and Prosperous Christian Life” Newsletter. A free weekly publication that teaches people how to live the abundant and prosperous Christian life. Receieve a free copy of Dan’s 14 page report entitled, “5 Biblical Keys to Outrageous Prosperity,” when you sign up.
www.secretplaceonline.com

Posted by www.iwanttoquitsmoking.com

Nicotine gum, patch and lozenge marketing continues to assert that clean nicotine weaning products double a smoker’s chances of quitting. Recent findings raise serious concern over whether they benefit or are a barrier to those seeking freedom from nicotine.

(Charleston SC) October 15 2003–Do over-the-counter (OTC) nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) products like the nicotine gum, patch and lozenge really help smokers quit? “Double your chances” has been the cornerstone of NRT marketing for almost two decades but just how useless must a product become before warranting a close examination of what’s being doubled?

A March 2003 study review published in Tobacco Control combined and averaged all OTC NRT studies and found that 93% of nicotine patch and gum study participants relapsed to smoking within six months.

The study’s financial disclosure indicates that the primary authors were NRT industry consultants. Despite seven months since the study’s release and despite reflecting the combined results of all seven OTC studies, the CDC, NIH, FDA, state health departments, and all major health organizations have chosen not to share this horrific 7% midyear abstinence finding with smokers. But why?

Could pharmaceutical industry government influence possibly have become so strong? Could major health non-profits have themselves become addicted to large annual NRT industry contributions for allowing their trusted influence and websites to be used as storefronts to sell nicotine products to nicotine addicts?

NRT use recommendations also fail to warn youth about their chances and risks. After generating a dismal 5% six-month quitting rate among 101 adolescent smokers, a study published in the January 2000 edition of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine (APAM) concluded that the patch was ineffective in helping youth smokers quit.

A June 2003 youth NRT use survey, also published in APAM, raises the additional concern that teenage never-smokers are possibly becoming chemical slaves to the daily use of NRT products. Among the 216 surveyed youth who asserted they had used NRT, 40 represented that they had “never smoked a cigarette, not even a few puffs” and 7 of the 40 reported using NRT every day.

Aside from the almost secret treatment accorded NRT’s adult and youth six-month relapse rates, smokers have long been kept in the dark regarding one other critical NRT shortcoming. How are the 7% adult and 5% youth midyear quitting rates impacted by a second or subsequent NRT attempt?

The study experts call it “recycling” and the only known study was published in a journal entitled Addiction in April 1993. Sadly, practice does make perfect with NRT in perfecting the odds of defeat. Not a single nicotine patch user who relapsed in a patch study a year earlier was still quit six months into their second patch attempt - zero, none.

Deprived of their natural odds of recovery, how many smokers may have believed in and toyed with NRT for so long that they actually ran out of time and chances?

Recent studies are not the only bearers of bad NRT news. Smoker survey findings published in the September 11, 2002 edition of the Journal of the American Medical Association concluded that “NRT appears no longer effective in increasing long-term successful cessation in California smokers.” London and Minnesota smoker surveys also found no benefit.

If so, why continue depriving smokers of basic performance info that would empower them to make meaningful decisions in how to spend their priceless periods of confidence, in trying to break nicotine’s grip upon their brain’s dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin pathways? And how can the industry continue asserting that NRT is twice as effective as quitting on your own?

According to evidence table data presented in the June 2000 U.S. Clinical Practice Guideline, the historical on-your-own success rate for those not using any products or programs is roughly 10% at six months.

Those marketing NRT ignore a quitter’s 10% natural recovery ability and instead look inward to declare victory over a group of placebo device users within the study, where, amazingly, only 3 to 4% succeed in quitting for six-months. But why three times lower?

What if you so deeply believed in the NRT marketing hype that you agreed to participate in a study in hopes of receiving 12 weeks of free patches? What if you were quickly able to sense or detect that you were not getting your regular dose of nicotine but had instead been randomly assigned to receive the placebo patch? Would frustrated expectations cause you to find an excuse to relapse?

In one of the studies used to compute the March 2003 OTC NRT findings, at study’s end only 18.3% of those in the placebo patch group believed that they had received the “Real McCoy.” Although the authors clearly state that “the effect of such a blinding failure would probably be a reduction of the placebo effect,” it didn’t stop the industry from relying upon it in claiming yet another internal “double your chances” odds ratio victory.

Aside from blinding failures, the placebo devices in a number of studies did not meet the classic definition of “placebo” as, supposedly for masking purposes, they contained from 1 to 3 mg. of nicotine.

The average smoker receives 1 mg. of nicotine from each cigarette smoked. The average pack-a-day smoker inhales roughly 20 mg. daily. In NRT studies they are routinely assigned to the 21 mg. patch where they are expected to engage in weeks or months of gradual stepped-down weaning.

By contrast, the blood-serum of a cold turkey quitter is 100% nicotine free by day three and 90% of nicotine’s metabolites have passed through their urine. It’s then that withdrawal normally peaks in intensity and begins to gradually subside.

But what if their brain neurons were never allowed to sense and bathe in nicotine-free blood serum? What if instead they were forced to cope with from 1 to 3 mg. of nicotine contained in a placebo device?

How many pack-a-day smokers could sneak puffs from one to three cigarettes for weeks and still quit? Could it alter the intensity and/or duration of normal withdrawal, or even drive their spirit into the ground? Would it be honest to declare to the world that they had attempted to quit “on their own” and failed?

The average nicotine addict only musters the confidence to venture beyond their thick wall of protective denial and attempt a mad dash for freedom about once every three years. With smoking eventually claiming half of all adult smokers, each an average of about 14 years early, the number of attempts available to each of them is limited.

Prior to NRT’s arrival local abrupt nicotine cessation programs in communities around the globe were routinely generating midyear rates of 20%, 30%, 40% and in some cases almost 50%.

In the 1990s the U.S. government invited eleven researchers with a history of financial ties to the pharmaceutical industry to join seven researchers with no known associations in rewriting and declaring U.S. cessation policy. In June 2000 the full panel published a revised U.S. Clinical Practice Guideline declaring NRT use a mandatory cessation recommendation.

The 2000 Guideline was a death sentence for many non-NRT quitting programs as they were no longer considered “science-based,” were out-of-step with U.S. cessation policy, and, unless willing to play by new rules, no longer credible candidates for funding.

The pharmaceutical industry made billions while forcing short two to four-week cold turkey programs to accept quitters engaged in months of toying with nicotine weaning products. It made graduation day as disturbing as attending an AA meeting where everyone was drunk.

The American Cancer Society’s 2003 Cancer Facts and Figures report indicates that 91.2% of all successful long-term quitters quit without the nicotine patch, gum, lozenge, inhaler, without Zyban or Wellbutrin, and without hypnosis or acupuncture. They did it entirely on their own. Shouldn’t we be searching for and sharing their secrets?

The key to effective cessation isn’t in renaming the addictive substance medicine, labeling its use therapy, pretending that those addicted to it can gradually wean themselves off, or in hiding true NRT performance rates while ignoring that the odds for second time users drop to near zero. It’s in learning to fully and comfortably engage life without reaching for the addictive substance.

Education, understanding, new skills and solid support - the same tools enhancing success rates in all human endeavors - dramatically increase the prospects of nicotine dependency recovery. Isn’t it time they regained center-stage and that pharmaceutical companies were sent back to the lab to find a magic cure with a bit lower failure rate than 93% for adults, 95% for youth and 100% for second time users?

Posted by www.iwanttoquitsmoking.com

About the Author

South Carolina nicotine cessation educator.
www.iwanttoquitsmoking.com

In order to understand stress better, it is a good idea to understand that there are different stress levels. These levels vary in the form of stress they take and they can often provide an indication of how to treat the stress. Furthermore, there are tests available that can help people understand their own, particular brand of stress and, with this knowledge, they can also understand themselves better. Then, with this information, a complete stress management method can be constructed. So, when you examine your own stress, keep these stress levels in mind so that you can come to grips with yourself and learn the proper methods for keeping your mind balanced.

These stress levels were found and characterized by Dr. Hans Selye and Dr. Richard Earle of the Canadian Institute of Stress. Thus, the names and types are theirs.

Type 1 - The Speed Freak

This stress level is characterized by an incessant need to be giving 110% at all times. They are often perfectionists, they tend to speak quickly, and they are very impatient. Generally, Speed Freaks have learned that it is necessary to work hard in order to succeed, so they figure that, if they are working hard all the time, they are certain to succeed. This, of course, is not necessarily the case, since running full-bore all the time will only lead to stress over minor issues.

Speed Freaks need to learn how to relax and they need to clarify their goals so that they will work hard on things that really matter, while relaxing while they are working on more mundane tasks. By doing this, they can get up to speed when they need to put in the effort and conserve energy the rest of the time.

Type 2 - The Worry Wart

The Worry Wart stress level is characterized by an inability to stop thoughts, but an equal inability to put thoughts into action. They tend to overanalyze things to the point that they paralyze themselves. Thus, they simply end up spinning their wheels as they get nowhere. True to the name, Worry Warts tend to spend a lot of their time worrying and this only leaves them even more incapable of action.

Worry Warts need to think very specifically about the problems they are facing, write down every possible thing that can go wrong, then think about just how likely these events are. Then, once everything is treated with a philosophical distance, the worry will decrease and the Worry Wart can move on toward their goals.

Type 3 - The Drifter

Drifters are people who keep so many options open that they are incapable of actually developing any skills in depth. Instead of focusing their energies on specific life goals, they end up putting effort into a variety of tasks so that none of them every really get done. Thus, their hours are spent productively, but their hours rarely produce anything concrete. In fact, they create a paradox of complete freedom in which they are trapped by their own inability to use that freedom effectively.

Drifters need to clarity their life goals, focus on things that make them feel worthwhile, and try to build up a life that is open to more than just work. Then, once they have a place to direct their efforts, they can shed all the excess nonsense that they surround themselves with.

Type 4 - The Loner

This stress level is recognizable by the fact that Loners are unable to create meaningful relationships with others. This is due to the fact that they generally work alone, so that do not receive much feedback from others. Thus, rather than building relationships that can help support them, they tend to crawl into a shell and keep other people outside of it. Thus, as they avoid shared experiences with others, they become incapable of finding out what they enjoy and who they enjoy doing it with.

Loners should attempt to clarify their own values, then work to build relationships with people who share those values, which in turn gives Loners a way to move toward their goals. This will give them both a purpose and a support structure that can help them succeed in that purpose.

Type 5 - Basket Cases

This stress level is very dangerous, as Basket Cases are creating their own energy crises. Instead of caring for themselves, they tend to be achy, depressed, and they often decide that activities are simply too much effort. They are often in poor health and their own malaise and depression makes it hard to do anything about it.

Basket Cases need to start eating right in order to start the healing process. Then, after a few weeks, they should start exercising. Then, once they have a little more energy, they need to learn how to conserve energy by taking breaks during work and not overextending themselves.

Type 6 - Cliff Walkers

Cliff Walkers are people who are at risk for destroying their health. They tend to look worn, they often smoke, eat badly, drink too much, and rarely exercise. However, they usually figure that nothing bad will ever really come out of their bad habits, so they cause themselves even more damage. Thus, they tend to have problems maintaining their energy.

The treatment for Cliff Walkers is the same as that for Basket Cases. Eat right, then start an exercise program, then learn to conserve energy so that they are not constantly worn out.

By understanding stress levels, people can not only learn more about themselves, they can also learn how to succeed. Then, once a person’s particular type of stress is treated correctly, the very portions of the personality that were once a burden can become a boon. Thus, learning about stress levels can actually help people achieve their goals.

Copyright 2005 Trevor Dumbleton

About The Author

Trevor Dumbleton

LowerYourStress.com: for everything to do with stress. Get a free ebook to help with your stress levels: http://www.loweryourstress.com/stress-book.html