Count Your Blessings
February 28th, 2009
Each day brings a new beginning.
It’s a new leaf in the story of your life. It can be
bright, cheerful and positive, with the courage to
face another day, whatever it may bring with enthusiasm.
Or, let the dark clouds hover and you shiver in the cold.
Let yourself be overcome with the jitters. Wallow in all
the negative issues in your life, past and present. You are
a victim, helpless and forgotten. You are ready to go back
to bed and hide from the world under the comfort and security
of your blanket. Where does this get you?
You don’t want your day to be filled with these
powerful negative vibrations. NO. Remember, negative
thoughts develop energy of their own, take a life of their
own and if you let it, this energy can overwhelm you.
If you’d only stop and be thankful for another day, another
page in your life. Enjoy your first cup of coffee, juice or
whatever nourishment you take to start your day. Energize
yourself, bless today with a prayer and a smile, a big
dose of faith and optimism. Feel the fresh air, savor the peace
around you, your freedom from aggression, from natural
causes or that caused by man.
What are you afraid of? Fear tends to be bigger than you,
and clouds your thinking. Fear is a powerful emotion.
Take control, shower yourself with a refreshing outlook as
you start your day. Empower yourself. A problem is
only as unmanageable as you allow it to be.
Take another sip of coffee and some deep breathes.
This is your world, let it be a world of your design.
Welcome today with feelings of faith and courage.
It’s not about waking up each day with the thoughts of
the burdens of yesterday. It’s not about feeling down
because yesterday did not open doors, answer your dilemma,
get you out of your crisis. Dark nights instill fear, anger
and covers you with a blanket of insecurity if not despair.
It’s another day of burden, worry, stress, and depression
and frustration. There is no miracle happening in your life.
Do not immerse in negative thoughts. It will get you
nowhere. It does not mean you trivialize your problems.
Life should not be on a crisis management mode nor should
it be about apprehensions, fear, anger or disappointments.
What’s really dragging you down? A stale/fearful relationship? Bills? Dysfunctional household? Work ,career-related problems? Getting old? Health issues? Lack of gumption? So much to do and not enough hours
in the day to get them all done?
What do you have?
You kept warm in the night.
You did not go to bed hungry.
You enjoyed the movie
on tv, you read a good book,
listened to your favorite
music.
You have a roof over your head.
You don’t have
to fear bombs blasting you away at a moment’s notice.
You can dream.
Think of these as you start your day:
- Times are uncertain, but you will walk with confidence
that you will ride out the storms this life brings.
- You have the freedom to make choices and decisions
- You are not afraid of making mistakes, but instead learn
precious lessons.
- You can speak your mind freely.
- You are free to pursue
your dreams or just day-dream, and not feel guilty.
- You are free, you know how to keep your mind, body and spirit
healthy.
- You have loved ones.
- You have friends.
- You have a lot to contribute to society.
Perhaps, you an take time to reflect on these:
- pray for this world, and for all mankind,
- for the innocent victims of man’s inhumanity to man,
- pray for the hungry, the frightened, the sick , the weak,
- pray for the young , the old and the able alike
- for the neglected,innocent children who suffer in the hands
of those who are supposed to take care of them.
- for the victims of war and for those who sacrifice
their lives to keep this world a better place for all of mankind;
- may those who lead others be guided by the power higher than
themselves
- pray for these, if one soul should be delivered from suffering,
you’ll be very grateful.
- there is only so much a human body, mind and spirit can endure.
You can make a difference, one soul, one person at a time
because YOU are blessed!
This article is free for electronic reprint- newsletter, e-zine,
website or e-mail,The only condition is you please let me know and supply the link or furnish a copy of the media used. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated.
(c)2005 Bonnie Moss
About the writer: Bonnie Moss writes about spirituality, tools available to all to walk the path. She is the Executive Secretary of Tarot Canada International, as well as a regular contributor of articles to the newletter,
Future Endeavours. She is a tarot consultant and also does dream interpretations.
Visit her website: http://goldencupcafe.tripod.com; a metaphysical site that
offers information on tarot, crystals, aura, angels, journalling
and other topics.
Do You Pay For Services Out of Obligation or Appreciation?
February 28th, 2009
Have you ever paid for services rendered with a strong sense of appreciation, yet you weren’t aware of the impact you had on the person who received the payment? Let me assure you it does make a difference. In fact, how you pay for any type of service sends an important message yet is often overlooked. I say that with certainty because recently I had the good fortune of working with a client who demonstrated the most impressive attitude and professionalism in regard to payment. I was so struck by his approach and attitude that I decided to share what transpired, hoping that others might take something of value away from my experience.
Potential Client Reads Article!
It started one morning when a potential client read an article written by me in an online publication. He liked what I had to say, checked out my web site and testimonials and then wrote requesting help with a bio for his web site. As always, I responded promptly, providing the details of the writing procedure along with what I would need and what it would cost. What happened next surprised me. I no sooner sent him my quote for the initial project, (the e-mail was barely out of my send box), when only a few seconds later, payment was already submitted to my account.
New Project Requested Again!
Thinking that he was just eager to get things started, I began the process of writing for him and had the first project ready within two days. He was very pleased with the end result and immediately requested my expertise on another project. I again sent him my quote and told him I would begin working on the new project that afternoon. Once more, as soon as I sent him my quote, and I mean within seconds of my submitting it, he sent me payment.
Surprised at Prompt Response!
This time I had to comment, so I wrote him to thank him kindly for his quick response in regard to his compensation turnaround. I told him that I really appreciated his attitude about payment and was quite impressed although surprised at his prompt response. What he wrote back will stay with me forever. He wrote and I quote: “It is my philosophy not to put anyone under any undo stress about money so that their attention will be only on the project at hand.” He further stated, “I want you to be free to express your creativity without having any worry about when you would be receiving payment.”
Giving the Best of Oneself!
Now while I believe in always giving the best of myself for every project I work on, when someone appreciates the time and effort put forth, it does something to one’s attitude and increases the desire to give more than one’s best. I was truly inspired by his attitude and I thank Paul Gjenvick for teaching me an important lesson. I am forever in his debt for opening my eyes to the magnitude of paying from appreciation rather then obligation. In fact I will never pay for anything again without thinking about this experience.
Copyright 2005
Charlene Rashkow brings 15 years of experience as a Writing Stylist and Author to her creative efforts as a freelance writer/consultant. She has successfully helped companies and individuals reach their objectives by writing outstanding web site content, press releases, bios, articles of interest, proposals,, resumes, and all other forms of professional, personal and marketing material.
Read what clients have to say at http://www.allyourwritingneeds.com/clients.html
You may contact Charlene at http://www.allyourwritingneeds.com
Getting Deals on Auto Insurance
February 27th, 2009
As insurance premiums keep going up, car owners are looking for cheap auto insurance quotes. There are many assorted types of discounts available and if you can save a few dollars, then why not? Below is a list of general deductions that may be available to you. Check with your insurance provider to see if you’re entitled.
Individual-Associated Price Reductions
These price reductions are usually given based on your performance as a driver and policy owner. The other discounts are given based on your present status in life.
Car Based Insurance Deductions
It doesn’t come as a surprise that when getting a automobile insurance policy, the insurance company takes a look at your car. Some of these car insurance discounts are given because you’ve made your car safe and insurance-friendly.
- Air Bags. They present increased safety to you and your car and insurance agents love these.
- Anti-Lock Brakes System (ABS). Some states require that insurance companies give deductions to policy owners whose cars are equipped with ABS.
Having Anti-Theft Devices Installed. Any type of add-on to discourage some individual from breaking into or stealing your automobile can also provide you with lower car insurance rates.
Lamp and Lighting Facts
February 27th, 2009
A- Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb.
He bought the patent and improved it.
B- 3 way light bulbs work like this:
1st click - The smaller filamentis turned on alone creating the lower light level.
2nd click - The larger filament is turned on alone (and the smaller off) creating the higher light level.
3rd click - Both filaments are turned on creating the highest light level.
C- 3 way light bulbs burn out faster because:
Alternating cooling/heating of the two metal filaments shortens their lifespan.
D- Watts is not a measurement of light output. It is the electricity usage.
E- Lumens is the measurement of brightness or light output.
F- 2 way lamp has two separate bulbs with 2 levels of light.
(Hoyle Fine Lamps have optional hi-lo in-line switch that provides 2 levels of light
from just a single ordinary bulb.)
G- 3 way lamp has a 2 circuit socket and bulb that provides 3 levels of light (B above).
H- 6 way lamp has a combination of 3 way lighting (G above) and 3 additional bulbs
which are controlled by a 2 circuit switch: 1 bulb on, 2 bulbs on, 3 bulbs on, then off.
I- Lamp Finial is the very top cap piece that sits on top of the shade.
J- Lamp Harp is the “U” shaped wire piece that holds the shade onto the lamp.
K- Lamp Harp size must be matched with the shade size for a proper fit.
L- Lamp Shades are measured: top diameter, bottom diameter, side length along with a description of the shape.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
In 1979 Jim Hoyle began selling lamps, home accessories and furniture to retail stores as a sales rep traveling the beautiful states of North and South Carolina. Now the company ships lamps and home decor worldwide.
Banishing Your Critic
February 26th, 2009
Whenever we start a new creative project, it’s always a little scary. We’re never sure how it’s going to turn out. And that element of uncertainty is just the thing we need to get our Critic up and hollering at us.
The Critic also comes to visit when we start thinking about tomorrow’s work, or yesterday’s work, or the end result, instead of what we are doing here and now. Sometimes, it comes calling immediately after a visit with a well-meaning friend or relative, or when we are hungry or tired. My Critic likes to visit about 3:30 in the morning, frequently waking me from a sound sleep.
You know what I mean. Your Critic is that voice that echoes inside your head, telling you your work isn’t good enough, you’re not good enough, it’s all a waste of time, it’s trivial, no one will come, it will never sell. Everyone’s Critic has it’s own favorite issues. And our Critic’s issues often get in the way of our work.
So we need to banish our Critic from our work space, whether that’s a painting studio, a writing office, or a stage. But that’s not easy to do. The Critic is stubborn, and usually returns after you think you’ve got rid of him for good. Here are some suggestions that might work for you.
1. Have a concrete representation of your Critic in your work space. When you start to work, move it out of the space or put it in a drawer.
2. Sit and listen to your Critic. Write down every negative thing it says, then either verbally or on paper refute each statement, whether you agree with it or not.
3. When your Critic starts to sit on your shoulder and whisper in your ear in the middle of your working, stop for a minute. Take a deep breath, then concentrate on all your five physical senses. What do you smell? What do you hear? What do you see, feel, and taste? By really paying attention to your physical surroundings, you get yourself out of your head, and into the moment.
4. Using a smudge stick, candle, or incense, devise a ceremony to purge your Critic from your work space. Perform your banishing ceremon whenever its voice gets a little too loud.
5. Draw a picture of your Critic, with a balloon coming out of his mouth. Write its favorite negative phrase in that balloon. Then burn the picture, rip it into shreds, or crumple it into a ball and step on it.
6. Talk to your Critic. Thank it for caring, but it needs to go away now. Politely but firmly ask it to leave. Keep asking until it goes.
7. Take a break. Go outside, and reconnect with the creative energies that flow all around you.
8. Go for a walk or a run. Go to the gym. Do something physical that will help you focus on now.
So the next time you hear that little voice whispering not-so-sweet nothings in your ear, get rid of it! Quickly. Then get back to work on what really matters.
NOTE: You are welcome to use this article online in electronic newsletters and e-zines as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the “about the author” info). If use of this article is desired in print, you must first contact Lynn Cutts at Lynn@ManageYourMuse.com.
Copyright 2005 Lynn Cutts
About the Author
Chocolate-loving Life Coach Lynn Cutts’ mission is to change the world for the better, one person at a time. At www.ManageYourMuse.com, she shares free tips, articles, games and newsletters to help you realize your dreams. Lynn offers one-on-one coaching, group coaching and self-guided programs to help you create your own boundless life. Lynn is certified by the Coaches Training Institute, and is a member of the International Coaches Federation.
Banishing Hannibal Lecter Personalities From Your Life
February 26th, 2009
We all know them. We all have somebody like them at our workplace. Some of us have them as our neighbor. Some are related to them. Gosh - some poor souls even live with them. So who are these people I speak of?
What I am talking about are the Hannibal Lecters of society. Toxic people.
Toxic people enjoy telling you every reason why you can’t or shouldn’t do something. Tell them an idea and they will tell you it’s no good. They hope that you won’t achieve more than they can and really don’t want you to succeed. They whine, they complain, they spread rumors, they are prone to ugly moods - a thundercloud follows their every move. They are the doomsayers. I’ll bet you already have someone like this in mind as you read these very words.
Unlike the Hannibal Lecter of “Silence of the Lambs” fame, toxic people are not trying to eat your flesh. No. Toxic people want to consume other things - your confidence, your self-esteem, your dreams, your ambitions, your goals, your desires. I think you get the picture.
The best thing you can do if you find yourself in the presence of one of these people is to run, hide, make other plans. Just get away from them as fast as you can. The least amount of time you spend with them the better.
Toxic people will attempt to indoctrinate you with huge amounts of negative input in a very short space of time, so it is imperative that you limit your time with them. They are easy to recognize. Their language gives them away. Every time they open their mouth out comes a litany of everything that is wrong with them, you, the world and other people.
Recognizing positive and negative personality traits is one of the skills of personal development. Many excellent books exist on this subject but there are none better than “Personality Plus” written by Florence Littauer.
In her book, Florence Littauer defines personality traits. In it you will learn how to get along with the four main personality types, and the multiple combinations of them. I have had the privilege of hearing Florence speak and she is a truly gifted author and presenter.
By understanding your own personality traits and those of other people you will enhance your ability to get along with those who are important to you. If you are a Human Resource Officer, a General Manager, a salesperson, or just somebody who likes to get along with other people, what would this skill be worth to you?
Guard yourself against the Hannibal Lecter’s of this world. Your life will be so much more fulfilling without their destructive influence.
About the author: Gary Simpson is the Course Co-ordinator for the “Life, Journey, Destiny - Personal Development Home Study Course” and the author of “How to Stop Wasting Your Life and Start Getting What You Want”. His email address is budo@iinet.net.au. The website containing this article and others is located at Motivation & Self Esteem for Success.
[If you like this article and would like to use it on your own website or ezine you may do so ONLY if the article is not changed in any way and the final paragraph: “About the author”, with all links intact, is included.]
About the Author
Gary Simpson is the Course Co-ordinator for the “Life, Journey, Destiny - Personal Development Home Study Course” and the author of “How to Stop Wasting Your Life and Start Getting What You Want”. His email address is budo@iinet.net.au. The website containing this article and others is located at Motivation & Self Esteem for Success.
Internet Sports Gaming Keeps Gamers Protected from Identity Theft
February 26th, 2009
Live sports wagering world wide web sites are mostly governed via 3 councils. These are known as OSGA (the Offshore Gaming Association), the IGC (Interactive Gaming Council) and the Fidelity Trust Gaming Association (the FTGA).
The OSGA is an autonomous office which keeps tabs on the thriving overseas gaming trade, they intend to afford gambling fans a simple way to to easily track down trustworthy businesses to play games of destiny with. It labors to champion the rights of gambling buffs, also they do not impose any joining expenses. The agency are a well-qualified not to mention neutral third party company who pronounce objective viewpoints, suggested by your responses, unbiased scrutiny, phone conversations, inside prompts and additionally supplies industry information.
The IGC are a non-profit-making organization. The administration was established to supply an arena for interested individuals to discuss topics and in addition to improve collective worries in the international interactive gaming trade, in an effort to establish even handed not to mention efficient commercial instructions and systems which heighten end user certainty in net based wagering merchandise and benefits, and to serve as the offshore gambling trade’s inclusive practise advocate and in addition the Interactive Gaming Council provides an information center.
The IGC have worked up a regard for trustworthiness, right conduct and sincerity by virtue of the elevated standards it presents, and also its allure for honorable sports gaming web sites. The IGC regularizes offshore sports gaming through using a characteristic 10 point standard policy manual and charges gaming sites a fee for featuring their logo. Disappointed customers can, should they like, mention their challenges to the Interactive Gaming Council.
The Fidelity Trust Gaming Association has been formed in a venture to compose a standard to improve the standards of computer accessible sports betting trading operations. The IGC think that by doing business with respected sites, they can perfect a union of the most trustworthy and most professional cyberspace betting businesses world-wide. To recapitulate, these are agencies which guide the dealings practised by on-line betting and which should aid to allay any trepidation experienced by doubters. Computer accessible gaming sites are today completely free from risk, since personal details aren’t necessary also the payments and the gambling odds are equivalent to a normal Vegas-type stake. These sites get rid of traveling time, but still preserve the character of a Vegas gaming site, only these days you are enabled to wager at your leisure.
Attaining Business Insurance Is Definitely Essential to the Running of Your Business
February 25th, 2009
There is no refuting the fact that the triumph of a business in the end comes down to the dedicated work of the workforce, however one disaster can promptly wipe out your efforts and reduce the revenue to zero. In order to steer clear of such an occasion, you should insure your organisation, whether it’s a small firm or a large corporation. Nevertheless, please bear in mind that smaller organisations are considerably more likely to need business insurance protection in today’s hard world. This is generally as smaller organisation owners will have placed their entire lives and pay into the firm.
A couple of the topics usually guarded by most business insurance covers include: natural tragedies, hurricanes, mechanism or equipment fault that closes down the organisation, loss of income attributed to staff slip-up & litigation brought against the company.
There are a lot of insurance organisations, which provide covers that include protection for all chief property and legal risks in one big package. You can also select a separate cover. Such a policy is frequently branded as a business owners’ policy (BOP). Larger organisations might purchase a business-related policy cover.
BOPs consist of property insurance for property and tools owned by the company. If there is any loss of profits as a result of disruption of systems and business because of catastrophes like avalanches, it can be covered under the Business Interruption policy.
There are policies, which cover the organisation’s legal blame for the injury it may well inflict to others. It’s the effect your businesses failure to do the business operations. It can also be the bodily injury or property damage caused through defective products, faulty installations & slips in services provided. Get a public liability insurance quote online.
But, BOPs don’t protect against professional liability, motor cover, staff re-payment or health and disability cover. With this in mind, separate insurance policies are necessary for professional services, commercial vehicles and workers. As a rule, floods, earthquakes and terrorist attacks are not protected in the business policy. Always check before you acquire a policy!
Inspiration From Jack Dempsey
February 23rd, 2009
I really like Jack Dempsey’s great one liner: “A champion is someone who gets up when he can’t.”
It summarises, as powerfully and as swiftly as one of his explosive left hooks, the spirit of anyone who refuses to accept limitations and defeat whether they are a boxer or not.
I just quoted the line on the phone to my brother who is temporarily floored by the problem of switching off his new scanner! Dempsey might well have ’solved’ the problem by smashing the scanner with a powerful punch.
At times, Dempsey fought from ‘pure rage’ although he also had great skill. He did not waste time in a fight but just attacked with intent.
Dempsey was born in Manassa, Colorado in 1895, the 9th of 11 children. The small hut in which his family lived is preserved there to this day. A guide book describes the extensive inspiration people gain from his life: “The people in Manassa still celebrate his greatness, which stimulates them to succeed on their own in many professions, especially the medical.”
He left home at the age of 16 and learned to survive in the mining towns of the West. He had many successful fights and started boxing professionally in 1914. He knocked out the giant Jess Willard in 1919 to win the Heavyweight boxing title. Dempsey was a skilled but ferocious fighter. He didn’t believe in sounding out his opponent. Willard was knocked down 7 times in the first round.
Dempsey also had a great champion’s one liner for dealing with big men: “Tall men come down to my height when I hit ‘em in the body.” Dempsey was five inches shorter and 58 pounds lighter than the 6-foot-6, 245-pound champion, Jess Willard. But on July 4, 1919, under the scorching sun in Toledo, Ohio, Dempsey broke Willard’s jaw with one of his first punches, an explosive left hook.
He knocked Willard down seven times in the first round and walloped him for two more rounds. When Willard didn’t come out for the fourth round, he had four teeth missing, his eyes were closed, his nose was smashed and two ribs were cracked.For good measure,he still had the broken jaw from round one.
Dempsey did not believe in half measures. Pulitzer Prize winner Red Smith described Dempsey in the ring vividly: “In the ring, he was a tiger without mercy who shuffled forward in a bobbing crouch, humming a barely audible tune and punching to the rhythm of the song. He was 187 pounds of unbridled violence. This isn’t big by heavyweight standards, yet in the judgment of some, this black-browed product of Western mining camps and hobo jungles was the best of all pugilists.”
Dempsey defended his title twice in 1920 and then, in 1921, knocked out Georges Carpentier, the French light-heavyweight champion, in the fourth round. In 1923 he had a mighty brawl with challenger, Luis Firpo, a 216-pounder from Argentina who was called “the Wild Bull of the Pampas.”
Firpo’s first punch was a powerful right to the jaw that put the champ down. Dempsey jumped off the canvas before a count could be started and went on to knock down Firpo seven times.
Before the first round ended, an angry Firpo threw a right that sent Dempsey through the ropes and onto a sportswriter’s typewriter. The writer and another man helped the champ return to the ring before the count of 10. I’m not sure what happened to the typewriter. This is the stuff that films like ‘Rocky’ are made of!
Perhaps Dempsey was thinking of this incident when he wrote: “A champion is someone who gets up when he can’t.” In Round 2, Dempsey scored two more knockdowns The second knockdown ended the bout after 3 minutes and 57 seconds of non-stop action. No wonder his fights were popular!
Dempsey took the next three years off and fought only a few exhibitions. When he returned on Sept. 23, 1926, the quicker Tunney, the marine, carved up the champ’s face. Dempsey kept his sense of humour. Returning home to his wife Estelle after the defeat, he confessed: “Honey, I forgot to duck!”
Before the Tunney rematch, Dempsey fought Jack Sharkey. When Sharkey complained to the referee in the seventh round that Dempsey was hitting low, Dempsey unloaded a left hook on Sharkey’s exposed chin. The fight was over. When asked why he threw the punch when Sharkey wasn’t looking, Dempsey said, “What was I supposed to do — write him a letter?”
Dempsey’s return match with Tunney drew a gate of $2,658,660 (about $22 million in today’s dollars) at Chicago’s Soldier Field on Sept. 22, 1927 Tunney controlled the first six rounds, but in the seventh a typical blitz from Dempsey floored Tunney.
The timekeeper began his count. The referee, Dave Barry, pointed Dempsey to a neutral corner but Dempsey ignored him and went to his own corner, a few feet behind Tunney. Barry pointed again to the neutral corner and at the count of three, Dempsey started there, arriving about two seconds later. The timekeeper was at five when Barry turned to Tunney. But instead of picking up that count in unison with the timekeeper, Barry called out, “One.”
So began the Long Count. At Barry’s count of four, Tunney looked up at the referee. When the count reached nine, Tunney, pulled himself to his feet. He had been down about 14 seconds. Perhaps Dempsey was thinking of this incident more than the one when he was knocked out of the ring when he wrote: “A champion is someone who gets up when he can’t.”
Tunney ran from Dempsey for the rest of the round. In the eighth, he floored Dempsey, and then went on to dominate the last two rounds to win easily. After the fight, Dempsey lifted Tunney’s arm in salute and said, “You were best. You fought a smart fight, kid.” That was Dempsey’s last bout. He retired with a 64-6-9 record, according to The Ring magazine.
Later, he was knocked down with another kind of blow. He lost about $3 million in the stock market crash. But like a true champion he got off the floor again to become one of the most popular restaurant owners in New York. On May 31, 1983, he died of natural causes at the age of 87.
Dempsey was a great champion. He would bounce back after knock out blows both in boxing and in life. He kept his sense of humour and was gracious in defeat. He is an inspiration not only to the people of Manassa and the USA but to the people of the world.

About the author
John Watson is an award winning teacher and martial arts instructor. He has recently written two books about achieving your goals and dreams. They can both be found on his website http://www.motivationtoday.com along with a daily motivational message.
The title of the first book is “36 Laws To Ignite Your Inner Power And Realize Your Dreams Now! - Acronyms, Stories, And Pictures…Easy To Remember And Use Everyday To Grab Your Life And Soar With The Eagles”
The book can be found at this URL http://www.motivationtoday.com/36_laws.php
The book uses acronyms, stories and pictures to help readers remember 36 laws that can gradually transform your life if you apply them.
You are welcome to publish the article above in your ezine or on your website so long as you do not alter it and keep in the words about the author and the 36 Laws.
Following Through
February 23rd, 2009
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003
My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they’ve been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me two days to even open the envelope and another full day to look at the actual documents. I still haven’t entirely read through them. I cannot bring myself to sign.
Eight months ago, after months of emotional turmoil, we both agreed a divorce would be in our best interest. I was relieved at the time. I was tired of him drinking every night until he passed out on the sofa. I was tired of feeling belittled. I never quite healed from the affair I found out about, and I know there were others.
We were married eight years. I never felt I was his partner in life. I felt I was just another piece of furniture. We have two beautiful little boys who adore their daddy. They were a big reason for wanting this divorce. I didn’t want them growing up thinking drinking on a daily basis is normal.
For years I wanted counseling. I would plead, “Let’s go before our problems get out of control!” He insisted we didn’t have anything we couldn’t handle. By the time we made it to counseling it was too late. Besides, he refused to say he had an addiction.
I tell myself if he truly reaches out for help and remains changed for a year after our divorce, maybe we could try with a fresh start.
I heard a preacher say, “Fidelity is more than sexual fidelity. It is when every decision you make during the day is the best one for yourself, your spouse, and your children.” Wayne and Tamara, that’s the only relationship I want.
The papers still sit in front of me. How do I know I’m doing the right thing?
Felicity
Felicity, what you are facing is the death of a dream, the dream of what your marriage was supposed to be like.
Faced with the choice of drinking or losing his family, your husband continues to drink. You may have every reason to hope he will change, but you have absolutely no reason to believe he will change.
Boys look to their father to show them how to be a man, and a drunk is someone who has clearly lost the way. Courts and the law have a simple view of the matter. They don’t knowingly allow a child to be adopted in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. There are laws against drinking and driving. Perhaps there should be laws against drinking and parenting.
You cannot focus on your husband sobering up. That has always been only under his power, and never under yours. He may be 20 years from admitting his problem. He may never admit it. You can’t put your life on hold waiting for someone to do what they may never do.
Tamara says she cannot even shop without having me in her mind. “Everything I lay my eyes upon,” she says, “I lay my heart upon where lives my husband.” Your mate has to be an enhancement to your life. It cannot be any other way.
Wayne
Geronimo!
I’m a 19-year-old male from Liverpool, England. I’m a decent looking lad, but since I broke up from my first serious relationship, I haven’t met anyone else. Can you give me advice on meeting girls and actually asking them out?
Gunther
Gunther, are you putting out vibes you are pining for your ex? Out with the old and in with the new.
Look around and start asking…to movies, to lunch, to a bookstore, to whatever you fancy. Follow your own interests and what you have a passion for, and remember this is not like school, where one grade follows another. Love doesn’t follow anyone’s schedule, and that is why it is so wonderful.
Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.